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16 July 2005 @ 01:24 pm
 
Title: Deal
Pairing: J/P
Rating: PG-13/R for language.
Summary: Craft time. 415 words.
ETA: Visuals.



“Hmm, very nice, Johnny.”

“Mm.”

“Er. What is it?"

“Tsk. Shut yer gob, it’s not done yet.”

“I can see that. What’s it supposed to be?”

Paul arched his eyebrows and tried to look innocent and harmless in the face of John’s double-barreled icy glare of death. He blinked curiously. John relaxed into a dismissive half-lidded gaze and resumed his brushwork.

“It’s you having an orgasm.”

Paul coughed, then immediately started wheezing and gasping, having unwisely chosen this as the perfect moment to pop a boiled sweet into his mouth. John let out a surprised laugh and started to giggle, but when he saw that Paul was seriously choking he cursed and leapt up to thump him on the back. Paul struggled and shook his head, staggering and scrabbling at his throat.

“Oh fucking bloody hell…!”

By the time John remembered he was supposed to do the Heimlich maneuver he was as red in the face as Paul, who had managed to cough up the lozenge himself. After all of ten agonizing seconds Paul stood panting heavily, the offending sweet stuck wetly to the floor. John punched him in the arm.

“Stupid fucker!”

Oy…?”

“Fucking go and bleeding choke to death on me, you bloody idiot!

Paul stared in dazed wonder at John’s sudden fury.

“John, I’m…”

“Shut up and keep breathing, damn you! Christ… bloody hell…”

“Johnny?”

“Just don’t. Don’t die on me.”

“Okay, okay.” Paul agreed, nodding. “You too, yunno.”

John grunted and shook his head. “Uh-uh. No deal. You promise not to die first, I live the rest of my life not worrying about it.”

Paul’s mouth quirked into a smile.

“Right, yeah.”

“I mean it. Don’t do it. If you die first I’ll tell everyone you choked to death on a live kitten while wanking in front of children,” John threatened, picking up a mug from the table, “And… I’ll rig pictures to prove it.”

Paul burst into a fit of giggles.

“No, John- don’t!”

“I’m a desperate man, you can’t stop me! I’ll do it.”

No, I mean, that’s the cup you’ve been rinsing your paintbrushes in!”

John paused and put the mug down, then picked up his tea.

“… Trying to poison me…”

“You’re a strange man, John.” Paul smiled.

John batted his eyelashes, added a few more brush strokes to his painting, turned it upside down and held it up.

Paul gaped, then blushed.

“Oh my God, you weren’t kidding.”

John grinned broadly.

I paint what I know.
 
 
 
oh_johnny_oh_johnny_ on July 16th, 2005 11:01 pm (UTC)
Oh. My. God. Where do I start?

The double-barreled icy glare of death?
or
“Fucking go and bleeding choke to death on me, you bloody idiot!”
or
“I paint what I know.”

Brilliant. All of it.




apartment42bapartment42b on July 16th, 2005 11:10 pm (UTC)
Teehehehe. Thanks X3
Appyhighregister on July 17th, 2005 05:36 am (UTC)
xzcjhgfhghidfsdkjsad


Wonderful.
hollywood_song on July 18th, 2005 12:38 am (UTC)
“I mean it. Don’t do it. If you die first I’ll tell everyone you choked to death on a live kitten while wanking in front of children,” John threatened, picking up a mug from the table, “And… I’ll rig pictures to prove it.”

LAUGHTER. SO MUCH LAUGHTER.

Did you know these two in a past life or something, because you write them dead on.
apartment42bapartment42b on July 18th, 2005 02:57 am (UTC)
XD

I think surrealism is my trademark...
Green and Growing Thingsziggythewalrus on July 18th, 2005 07:35 am (UTC)
*icon-love!* Is that you with the hair and the mug?

Fab story... loved how it included the 'painting'. :)
apartment42bapartment42b on July 18th, 2005 07:17 pm (UTC)
Yes that's me! And... it's a photoshopped mug. I was actually drinking from a lame folksy lighthouse mug that I hate. It's my real hair, though. Which needs trimming.

Thanks :3
banburytalebanburytale on July 19th, 2005 07:20 am (UTC)
*dies dead* Oh wow. I think I nearly choked myself. So, SO funny!
oh_johnny_oh_johnny_ on July 19th, 2005 08:09 pm (UTC)
You painted it! OMFG! I am now very, very happy.

apartment42bapartment42b on July 19th, 2005 11:21 pm (UTC)
XD

Well, mocked it up in Photoshop. If I were really committed I would've printed it out and used it to base a painting off of... but aanyway.