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16 November 2005 @ 10:41 pm
 
So, I took a short breather from my "Soldier Of Love" writing frenzy (I seriously broke the "W" key on my keyboard-- I had to superglue it to make it work-- and I think this damn book is part of the reason for that :-\) and wrote this.

Not Afraid

By Cate

Summary: Eh, short little thing. John/Paul (do I write anything else?), angsty as hell. Came from watching "Paul McCartney In Red Square"-- I kept picturing John in a "No More Landmines" shirt, and it kind of... evolved from there.

Word Count: 290.

Sometimes I lie in my bed, and I see you, looking young. Healthy. Happy. Looking like you did the first time we were together, just like this-- you're so beautiful, I love you, please don't leave again-- like the happy young man I remember. And I've seen this film before, a thousand times: you smile, you laugh, you cry... you love. You look in my eyes and you're never afraid.

And you take my hand, and you put it on your heart-- oh God, it's really happening, you're really here-- and we're not afraid.

You kiss me and you run those long, beautiful fingers through my hair-- that's the one right there, want to put my ring on that finger, luv-- you kiss me and I'll never be afraid.

We stay like this for hours. You're wearing that cologne, the one that makes me absolutely crazy for you-- lean close at the mic and shivers run down my spine because I smell you-- and your lips are dark from rough kisses. I look at you and I know that there's no reason to be afraid.

Sometimes I can hear your voice-- oh luv, your voice always turns me on-- I hear you telling me that you won't go. You whisper in my ear (I tremble as you do; it always intimidates me, makes me feel like a little kid) that I'm yours, that I am stuck with you for as long as we both live. You talk to me, and I am most certainly not afraid.

And she comes in, and she kisses my hair, and suddenly you're no more than a pillow I am hugging-- no, please, not again, make it stop-- I miss you, and I am afraid.

- End.

Cate
 
 
Current Mood: workingworking
Current Music: "South Park" on the telly
 
 
 
Emily (Which actually is my name.)ladycadogan on November 17th, 2005 06:05 am (UTC)
Awww. :( That was gorgeous, but aww, so sad.
Il Gatto Puzzolone: John/Paulcatnip_martini on November 17th, 2005 06:08 am (UTC)
Thanks very much. The angst bug took me for a bit of a ride.

Cate
oni_ishtaroni_ishtar on November 17th, 2005 06:17 am (UTC)
oh god, this broght me to tears, and i'm telling you, this is the only time a fanfic has ever done that to me, i'm dead serious, this was just written so beautifully, and held so much emotion, i could really just feel Paul's pain, and you captured his loss just dead on, it was lovely, just wonderful, and i'm not one who usually reads j/p either, (i like them, i'm just an r/g is all) anyways, great stuff mate, write more somtime, i think this has inspired me to draw something, so we'll see what happens, my art isnt really popular here though

~Oni
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 17th, 2005 06:28 am (UTC)
*blush* Thank you so much. I'm glad I decided to post this, then-- I was thinking about having a go at editing it.

Ooh, I'm looking forward to seeing it if you decide to draw something. As for not being popular around here... half my reviews used to be extremely bad. I kept practicing at writing, starting to understand the fantasies in my head, and (when the people who weren't crazy about my characterisations started leaving me alone) things got better.

I'm not sure how long you've been around here (pardon), but people'll come around. ♥

Cate
(no subject) - oni_ishtar on November 17th, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - catnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 04:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
the heart collector: George - minesummersiren on November 17th, 2005 08:22 am (UTC)
Awww...

I like it!

Sad but very lovely.
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 04:44 am (UTC)
Thank you! Teh angst bug attacked.

Cate
Paulmagicaltrevor on November 17th, 2005 08:28 am (UTC)
*weeps* Our poor Paulie!! T_T

Oh, the angst.. it burns so good!
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 04:47 am (UTC)
I know, it feels naughty of me to play with him like this.

... I love doing it though.

Cate
oh_johnny_oh_johnny_ on November 17th, 2005 12:22 pm (UTC)
You kiss me and your run those long, beautiful fingers through my hair-- that's the one right there, want to put my ring on that finger, luv-- you kiss me and I'll never be afraid.

That, and...

lean close at the mic and shivers run down my spine because I smell you-

...that.

Lovely. Just lovely. All angsty and beautiful. Full of wist. Great job!

Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 04:49 am (UTC)
Ooh! Those are my two favourite bits too.

♥ Thanks lots, luv. :) Paul's always been wistful, it just seems right to do it that way.

Cate
macca64macca64 on November 17th, 2005 12:48 pm (UTC)
Wow that was beutiful. You could tell how he was hurting. :`( <--- supossed to be a sad face. Good job as always!
~macca
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 04:51 am (UTC)
♥ Thanks very much!

Cate
cant_buymeluv on November 17th, 2005 02:15 pm (UTC)
So sad and lovely!
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 04:52 am (UTC)
Thanks lots!!

Cate
lovely_lindianalrita on November 17th, 2005 02:50 pm (UTC)
"lean close at the mic and shivers run down my spine because I smell you"

I love that line..i love the whole think, it was great, sad, and lovely ;-)
(yeah..i like angst)
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 04:52 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! I love that line too.

Angst is great. Lol.

Cate
geminigirl58geminigirl58 on November 17th, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC)
Very sweet! It's the little things that one remembers about someone and certainly we hear that from Paul when he talks about John.
Il Gatto Puzzolone: Paul McCartneycatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 04:53 am (UTC)
Aye... a lot of thought went into this, even though it practically wrote itself-- if you know what I mean.

Thank you!

Cate
Sarah: P/Gsav0ytruffle on November 17th, 2005 11:24 pm (UTC)
Ooooh, man, niiice. Lovely. XD

My faaavourite: that's the one right there, want to put my ring on that finger, luv

Ah, yes, ring... lordy. *squee*

:)
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 04:56 am (UTC)
Thank you very much!!

Gah, that line! I have wanted to reference that idea for a very, very long time-- it's a lovely thought, even though it wouldn't, y'know, actually happen-- and I'm so glad it went over well.

Cate
(Anonymous) on November 18th, 2005 12:08 am (UTC)
diamonzR4ever
ahhhh....
i LOVED it!!!
u rite the best stuff!!!
i cant wait 2 c your next chapter of SOL!!!
i dont if it's just me, but a hurt paul mccartney is actually really cute.am i crazy or what???
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 05:08 am (UTC)
Re: diamonzR4ever
Thank you very much! That's very sweet of you.

The next chapter of "Soldier" is on the way; I'm about five sixths done with it, although it's not wanting to end properly, so it may end up a longer chapter. We'll see.

Hehe. I think he's cute too.

Cate
macca64macca64 on November 18th, 2005 02:18 am (UTC)
I love a hurt Paul.

But anywho, even though I already commented on how I love this story, I've gotta question?
When's the nest chappie of SoL coming out. I hope soon. I'd be a great Turkey(Thanksgiving)Day pressie. And of course, you can always post it early. I love you and your writings soooo much.
Mwah!
~macca
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 05:16 am (UTC)
Me too. Hehe.

Soon, soon, I promise-- I've been extremely busy, I have an ice show coming up in less than a month, so I've had to take a tiny break. However, as I said above, I have over 5,000 words of a ~6,000 word chapter, so it should be finished before Thanksgiving.

♥ Thank you so much, I'm really glad to have you onboard, so to speak-- you guys have a special place in my heart.

Cate
(Deleted comment)
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 19th, 2005 05:19 am (UTC)
♥ Thank you so much!

you know we all love your writing

*blush!*... Thank you. Hee. ♥ I'm so, so glad you're excited about the next chapter. It's going to be an interesting one. Should be done soon. :)

Cate
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - catnip_martini on November 20th, 2005 06:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
oddballer35oddballer35 on November 20th, 2005 12:32 am (UTC)
I read this ealier, but I didn't get a chance to leave a comment...

It's so angsty (Captain Obvious, at your service) and short (once again) that I was just stunned for who knows how long. 'Twas beautiful!

(Stops as Captain Obvious returns)
Il Gatto Puzzolonecatnip_martini on November 20th, 2005 06:47 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm so glad this one's been so well received. :)

Cate