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28 November 2007 @ 01:49 pm
UI: Chapter 11  
Work!Work!Work! I'm going insane *faints*
But I'm doing my best to write this as soon as possible. This chapter is shorter than the previous ones, but I hope you like it ;)

Title: Unaware Infidelity (Chapter 11)
Pairing: J/P
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Beatles aren't mine (unfortunately)
A/N: John and Paul talk.
Warning: This fic has really strong stuations (serious illness), so you decide whether you want to read it or not. If you're too sensitive and don't want to get upset, you better think twice before reading it. Thank you, guys!



You can find the previous chapters here:

Chapter 1:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/6095.html#cutid1
Chapter 2:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/6307.html#cutid1
Chapter 3:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/6522.html#cutid1
Chapter 4:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/6868.html#cutid1
Chapter 5:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/7304.html#cutid1
Chapter 6:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/7541.html#cutid1
Chapter 7:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/12088.html#cutid1
Chapter 8:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/12514.html#cutid1
Chapter 9:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/12787.html#cutid1
Chapter 10:http://some-tea-4u.livejournal.com/12962.html#cutid1


Unaware Infidelity (Chapter 11)

“I… I…” Paul began to tremble in John’s hug and, as so many times before, he didn’t know what to do, so he kept holding him, pushing him against his own body “How…?… I… I don’t get it, John”

“Well… Me neither, Paul…” silence again and then a little noise “Paul? Paulie? Hey” Paul began to sob and John sighed still stroking his hair “Hey, you… Look, you’ll be ok” he was crap at that stuff, but someway he knew how to hold Paul. It wasn’t like he hadn’t hugged Paul before, but at that moment he noticed how well their bodies fit.

Paul looked up at his friend with teary eyes and suddenly frowned.

“Fuck. I don’t want to hold you, I… George…” John knew what he was talking about “But I dunno. I need to”

“Well, enjoy it then, aye?”

Paul sighed. John knew that he was disgusted, he was still angry and held a lot of fury inside him, but if he knew. If he really knew how he felt… However, he couldn’t tell him now. He’d get upset and that Smith was right. He was the doctor, after all.

“How’s Jane? Does she know?” Paul’s question startled him and he pulled away a little. Paul rubbed his eyes with his fingers. John noticed the well known dark hair that crowned those beautiful hands, it was like a little fuzz, very masculine and fucking sexy.

“She… I’m not sure, mate. Maybe Brian told her. I haven’t talked to her” It was a lie. He had even hung up the phone to her. He prayed, begging that Brian wouldn’t tell anything to the bird.

“I don’t know if I want her to know, really. I mean… She must know, but she’ll fucking freak out”

“Yeah” Fucking great. He was there, taking care of him, telling him that everything was going to be all right and he was worried about the damn red-haired bird? “Maybe you shouldn’t tell her, Paul”

He knew it. She’d come right away and he wouldn’t be able to take care of Paul or demonstrate him how much he wanted to be with him. He wouldn’t be able to keep his promise of taking care of him. Not how he wanted to.

He saw Paul so vulnerable and weak. He just wanted to touch him, kiss him, but it wouldn’t be right, at least for the younger man. However, John Lennon was known for being impulsive and the desire was a need right now.

Paul sighed, held his head in his hand and leaned against the pillows of his white bed, tired and pale. He was right there. He could just lean over him and kiss him.

John slid his hand over the blankets and touched his hand, very friendly and gently, but then he grabbed it with strength, feeling needy and desperate. Paul had his eyes closed and his features were a perfect mix to create the most painful expression John had seen on his face, but Paul felt that hand in his and at that moment, he could swear John could hear his heartbeat. He opened his eyes slowly and turned his head to the side to look at John. John’s eyes were tired. Probably he hadn’t slept very well. Paul didn’t do anything to pull his hand away. God, he needed that. He needed something, someone to show him that he wasn’t alone at that fucking moment, when he felt lonelier than ever.

“Why are you holding my hand?” Paul asked, still looking at John, almost penetrating his soul with his deep stare.

“Dunno. I felt like doing it, Macca”

“I’m fucking scared, John” he sighed and his eyes began to get very bright and wet, his eyebrows curving.

“I know. I am too, you know. I just…” He needed to know he loved him, he needed to. “You need to know something”

Paul squeezed his hand and listened intently. John didn’t know if Paul kept holding his hand because he wanted to or because he was too weak to stop doing it.

“What?”

“I… well, you know that something happened with… with George and I wanted to…”

“Fuck!” Paul touched his forehead with his hand, grimacing and moaning.

“What!? What’s wrong!?” Hell. What the fuck was happening?

“Get out, John”

What? What the hell…?

“But… shit… what’s wrong with you? Are you… Are you ok? You feel all right, Paul?”

John was sure that that outburst had been caused by his symptoms, but his next words told him immediately that it had been his own fault. Dr. Smith’s words came to his head, resounding like a mantra.

Don’t get him upset

“No! Get the fuck out! I don’t…” John knew he was in pain, but Paul was the most stubborn guy he knew. Nothing would work at that moment. He made an effort to catch his breath “I don’t want to hear that. You’re fucking disgusting, Lennon”

So that was the mood change. John hated leukemia and he hated Paul for having it and he hated himself for being so disgusting and he fucking hated everything. He fucking hated everything!

“Fuck you, Macca” he couldn’t bear that anymore. Paul didn’t know how much it hurt him hearing that from him “You’re a fucking pain in the ass sometimes. I’m sure you fucking knew that” he felt guilty. John knew it was his fault and he knew the symptoms were talking for Paul, but he wouldn’t stand that. He was about to confess his feelings and he’d been called ‘fucking disgusting’. What the fuck was that?

Paul began to cough, but his pride won and he left the room slamming the door behind him. However, he needed to do something before leaving the ICU. A woman dressed in white looked at him with curiosity. John walked towards her, upset and angry.

“I think the patient in that room is not feeling good right now” he said with inexpressive voice.

And he approached the exit, thinking about how bad he needed to smoke a joint.

TO BE CONTINUED...



I'd love to know what you think *blushes*... please? comments? :)
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john_loves_pauljohn_loves_paul on November 28th, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC)
Aww I love this chapter it`s amazing!!!

I can`t wait for the next one
some_tea_4usome_tea_4u on November 29th, 2007 03:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it ;)
Dwiz Ichigaisuch_a_teaser on November 29th, 2007 03:10 am (UTC)
"He was about to confess his feelings and he’d been called ‘fucking disgusting’. What the fuck was that?"

Haa x'D that was somehow funny

I loved this chap! ^^....actually...i love the WHOLE of THEM =P

Hope you write more soon! I'll be lookin' forward! *exaggerated wink*
some_tea_4usome_tea_4u on November 29th, 2007 03:52 pm (UTC)
Heee *giggles madly* Thank you so much! I'll write the next chapter as soon as I can, luv.
(Anonymous) on December 18th, 2007 04:04 pm (UTC)
pleeeeeaaase post the next chapter soon! it´s really mean to keep me waiting!!
some_tea_4usome_tea_4u on December 18th, 2007 05:32 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, luv, hehe, but I've just posted chapter 12 so I'm not that mean XD
Thank you!